Determining the custody of a child is a matter that should be resolved between the mother and father. Following the divorce, if parents had even a clue of the damage the courtroom antics could inflict on their child, on themselves, and on the extended family, mothers and fathers would resolve between themselves the details of their child’s upbringing and visitation schedule. And this should last until the child(ren) is/are old enough to decide for himself/herself/themselves.

As his parents, both my former husband and I share in the responsibility for the unnecessary upheaval of our lives that ensued. I was insensitive to how he would feel when I decided somewhat abruptly to move out of state . . . with our son. On the other hand, he was more concerned about how many weeks he would have Chris in summers than about the appropriate length of time a four-year-old boy could handle being away from his mother. Had we put ourselves in each other’s place and had we both thought about our son’s well-being, all our traumas could have been avoided.

If you are facing a forthcoming court battle over the custody of your child(ren), learn from my mistakes. Do all in your power to avoid taking the matter to court. As difficult as it might be, make every effort to see things from the perspective of the other side. Then, with that understanding, find a solution . . . even if you are sacrificing some of what you feel is needed. Believe me, if you insist on taking the matter to court, the persons most hurt are the ones you both love the most—your children!

I invite you now to share your own experiences after divorce and what life has taught you about resolving the custody of your children.

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